- Memorial
Service Keynote Speech
Jobs Corp Center - February 16, 2006
The
following is something I wrote and presented to the students
and staff, and their friends and families at the Job Corps
Center at the memorial service on the tenth anniversary of
the terrible Amtrak/MARC train accident that killed students
and trainmen alike. It is a day many will remember. I had
volunteered for eighteen years in hospice and as founder of
the non-profit Grief Support Network, giving support to people
suffering a death loss. And the honor and invitation to share
my lessons from all those years to this special group was
a key moment of human closeness for me, hopefully others.
- JS
TWO
TRAINS ONE TRACK --- ONE SIDING. BY SECONDS ---- THEY
DID NOT AVOID.
A
CATACLYSM OF CHANGES FOLLOWED AND FOLLOW US UP TO THIS
DAY --- HERE IN THIS GYM
WHEN
SOMEONE OF GOOD CHARACTER DIES YOUNG, IT SEEMS WRONG. ----
THESE EIGHT ANGELS ALL BRIGHT LIGHTS ON THAT DAY TEN YEARS
AGO, GROWING EVER BRIGHTER.
THOSE
WHO LOVED THEM THEN, LOVE THEM NOW - AND GRIEF
IS WANTING SOMEONE YOU CANNOT HAVE. THAT IS GRIEF
SOME
BLAME GOD AFTER TRAGEDY. WHAT SORT OF GOD WOULD LET
THIS HAPPEN? WHY? BUT, IS GOD ACCOUNTABLE TO US?
I
BELIEVE WE ARE GIVEN LIFE TO FIND MEANING AND HOPE ANY
WAY AND STRUGGLE TO LOVE ANY WAY --- NO MATTER
WHAT HAPPENS, EVEN AS LIFE WOUNDS ME - AND EACH OF
YOU - WITH ITS ROUGH HAND.
WHY?
BECAUSE WE DO NOT "HONOR" SOMEONE WHO HAS DIED BY
DYING WITH THEM.
WE
MUST RESOLVE TO LOVE ANYWAY, TO GO ON ANYWAY, TO HOPE UNTIL
HOPE CREATES, TO COPE UNTIL INSIGHT COMES.
OR
AS FRAZIER, THE TV ACTOR, ONCE SAID - AND IN HIS REAL LIFE
ENDURED TWO MURDERS AND A DROWNING IN HIS FAMILY -
HE
SAID - "YOU MUST STRUGGLE ON, REJOICING - SOMEHOW."
IF
YOU ARE ONE WHO RAISED, WORRIED ABOUT, OR CARED DEEPLY FOR
ONE OF THESE EMERGING LIGHTS IN THE WORLD - AND THEN SAW THEIR
LIFE END - YOU MAY HAVE - FOR A WHILE - GONE THROUGH THE "IF
ONLY'S"
"IF
ONLY I DIDN'T TELL HIM TO GO TO JOB CORPS, IF ONLY I TRIED
HARDER TO GET HER TO COME HOME LATER THAT DAY." IF ONLY'S
CREATE A MAZE OF CONFUSION, NOT PEACE OF MIND
WHY
ARE WE SOMETIMES SO HARD ON OURSELVES WHEN BAD THINGS HAPPEN
TO THOSE WE LOVE? THIS IS THE MOTHER IN ALL OF US.
AND
SOMEWHERE WAY BACK IN KINDERGARTEN OR SOMEPLACE EARLY ON,
WE MAY HAVE GOTTEN THE NOTION OR WORLD VIEW THAT - IF I WORK
HARD, AM POLITE, NEAT, HONEST - THEN LIFE WILL BE GOOD. A
NICE LITTLE CONTRACT, YES? PUT THIS WAY: "IF I AM GOOD,
I SHOULD BE REWARDED WITH A GOOD LIFE."
SO
WHEN LIFE IS NOT GOOD TO US AND STRIKES A CRUEL
BLOW. THIS SELF-CONDITIONING DEMANDS THAT WE SEARCH OURSELVES
MERCILESSLY FOR SOME FLAW IN OUR CHARACTER.
BUT
BAD WILL HAPPEN ANYWAY WHILE WE STRUGGLE ON, REJOICING ANYWAY.
THE
RAIN FALLS AND SUN SHINES ON ALL EQUALLY. WE ALL HAD A RENDEZ
VOUS BEING BORN, WE ALL -ALL HAVE A DATE WITH THE REAPER AND
THE RAVEN.
THAT
IS WHY - TODAY AND ALWAYS - WE MUST REACH BEYOND REASON FOR
ANSWERS - TO FAITH, FAITH IN THE UNKNOWN. ONLY THEN CAN OUR
GRIEF AND PAIN RELAX INTO WISDOM.
IF
WE CAN'T BLAME OURSELVES, AND MR SURKAMP YOU SAY I SHOULDN'T
BLAME GOD, THEN TELL ME WHO OR WHAT CAN I BLAME WHEN TIMES
ARE BAD!
WE
HAVE SAID THAT EVER SINCE A TRAIN COLLIDED CAUSING DEADLY
FIRE AND UNFAIR SUFFERING - THOSE OF US WHO REMAIN RESOLVE
TO NOT HONOR THOSE WHO HAVE DIED BY DYING WITH THEM.
WE
ALSO RESOLVE THAT WE CANNOT BLAME THE HUMAN ERROR, WE CANNOT
ULTIMATELY BLAME A FAULTY TRAIN MECHANISM - AND FIND PEACE.
MISTAKES
AND BROKEN THINGS ARE NOT THE ENEMY IN THIS JOURNEY THROUGH
LOSS.
EVEN
THE FLAMES ARE NOT THE ENEMY. THE FLAMES DO JUST WHAT FLAMES
DO WHEN AIR AND FUEL MEET. THE ENEMY IS FEAR. HATRED IS THE
ENEMY, BITTERNESS IS THE ENEMY. GIVING UP IS THE ENEMY. SO
WE TAKE CARE OF OUR GRIEF OVER THE YEARS SO THAT IT CAN RELAX
GRADUALLY INTO WISDOM.
WE
LOVE ANYWAY. WE LIVE ANY WAY.
WE
RESOLVE AND SLOWLY COME TO REALIZE THAT IN THE WAKE OF SUCH
CRUEL DEPARTURE AND LIFE THEFT, IN THIS SEA OF PAIN AND HELPLESSNESS,
OF TIMELESS MOONSCAPE, IN THIS WORLD OF BLACKNESS AND LIFE-SHATTERING
NEWS,
THE
ONLY THING WE ALWAYS HAVE COMPLETE DOMINION OVER, THE ONLY
THING WE HAVE COMPLETE CONTROL OVER IS OUR RESPONSE.
AND
IT IS IN OUR RESPONSE TO LIFE WHERE THE FACE OF GOOD
OR EVIL APPEARS. ALL EVENTS IN SOME STRANGE WAY ARE VALUE
NEUTRAL UNTIL WE
RESPOND TO THEM, DRAWING FROM OUR MIND AND
SPIRIT, EITHER GOOD OR ILL OR SOME ADMIXTURE.
IT
IS UP TO US TO GO INTO OUR MIND AND SPIRIT AND COME UP WITH
A CONSTRUCTIVE RESPONSE TO TRAGEDY, OR WE, INSTEAD,
RELINQUISH OURSELVES TO BE SWEPT AWAY A SLAVE OF HELPLESSNESS,
THUS DYING A DARKER DEATH THAN THE INNOCENTS OF JOB CORPS.
RALPH
NADER, A 19-YEAR-OLD HITCHHIKER CAME UPON A TERRIBLE CORVAIR
CAR ACCIDENT. HE SAW A BABY THAT HAD BEEN HORRIBLY MUTILATED.
HE DID NOT GET BITTER, HE RESOLVED TO USE THE REST OF HIS
LIFE TO MAKE CARS AND MANY THINGS BETTER. HE HAS ALWAYS SAID
NEVER LOSE THE OUTRAGE OF A 19- YEAR-OLD-BOY. HIS RESPONSE
WAS FABULOUS.
OR
THICH NHAT HAHN THE VIETNAMESE BUDDHIST MONK, AFTER A VILLAGE
HAD BEEN BOMBED AND LEVELED THE FOURTH TIME. HE WAS COVERING
HIS FACE IN HIS HANDS. A STARTLED FRIEND ASKED WHAT HE WAS
DOING. HE LOOKED UP AND SAID: "I AM TAKING CARE OF MY
ANGER."
HE
WAS TAKING CARE OF HIS RESPONSE. HE WAS CONSCIOUSLY BEGINNING
THE LONG PROCESS OF TAMING HIS ANGER INTO WISDOM, THAT WOULD
SERVE HIM, AND THE WORLD MUCH BETTER.
SO
TAKE CARE OF YOUR RESPONSE TO THIS UNIQUE EVENT. OUR EIGHT
ANGELS WISH THAT YOU TAKE CARE, THEY WANT THE LIGHT THEY LIT
IN THEIR OWN LIVES TO NOT RAGE ON IN OTHERS AS A HUNGRY ANGRY
FLAME THAT DESTROYS THEN GUTTERS OUT AND FOR NO GOOD. THEY
WANT THEIR SOFT CANDLIGHT TO CARRY ON IN OUR HEARTS.
THEY
ALL LIVE ON IN US AS INSPIRING PARABLES THAT ARE TOLD AND
RE-TOLD AND RE-TOLD. AMEN.
Jim Surkamp, Job Corps Memorial
Service, February 16, 2006
COPYRIGHT, 2006, Jim Surkamp
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